Archive for the 'Not Music' Category

What Spike Likes


March 9, 2008
Patrick Ripoll

Blog

I know this fellow over in England. He’s a complete bastard. Almost as much as I am. His name is Spike. Do you like brief sentences? I like them. Spike has a blog. See blog run. Run blog, run.

Sorry about that, I haven’t been myself since I quit smoking. Anyway, Spike’s blog is called What Spike Likes and it contains meditations on everything from Vampire Weekend to the Hiroki Yamaguchi 2004 masterpiece”Hellevator”. I wish he’d refrain from other content, since the internet needs a good blog that is exclusively about Vampire Weekend and Hellevator, but I wish a lot of things, none of them ever ever come true. Pity.

Anyway, check his shit out because despite being an absolute cunt the brother can write, and he knows shit. And there ain’t nothing wrong with a brother sharing shit with his fellow brothers. Even if he’s white.

I’d like to conclude with my favorite knock-knock joke:

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Holy shit.
Holy shit who?
Holy shit, this Sesame Street parody of Twin Peaks is one of the fucking greatest things ever.

Life Is Not A Movie… Or Maybe #1


March 8, 2008
jameseric

Cinema/Television

03.01.08 - 03.08.08

Movies I have watched:

Trust
Bonnie and Clyde
Eyes Wide Shut
The Girl From Monday
Simple Men


Welcome to the first in a weekly feature, discussing random films I’ve uncovered through the glorious creation of Netflix’s new WATCH NOW feature with over 7,000 titles you can view instantly on your PC. For those who don’t know, I used to be a film critic for a few online sites and my college newspaper. Therefore I tend to use a lot of adjectives, and use them repeatedly. I’m not a writer in the grammatically correct sense and I apologize in advance. I write in a stream-of-consciousness style with very little editing (much like I do with my music). I usually watch 5 movies a week because I’m addicted to it, and I will choose to write in detail about one. Or I will write short paragraphs for each that I watch if I feel like I have something to say about everything I watched for the week. Part One is in regards to a film that I hadn’t seen in over ten years, and now officially declare, my “favorite.” Yeah, I know. All my friends are rolling their eyes thinking “That’s his favorite for THIS week.” (Sorry Collin). I just can’t deny the excitement I get when something completely washes over me. Maybe Fearless is my favorite movie after I watch it again. But for right now, it’s Trust, directed by Hal Hartley.

There probably wouldn’t be a Juno, Chasing Amy, or Rushmore if it weren’t for the indie darlings of the 90s like filmmakers Hal Hartley, Noah Baumbach, and Jim Jarmusch. Hartley’s masterpiece, Trust, exists as a unique little motion picture encased inside a universe which manages to be both ridiculous and real at the same time. An offbeat hodgepodge that mirrors the surreal absurdity of love which, often times, dominates the structure of actual life. The most remarkable thing about this movie, though, is its ability to fill a charmingly sweet love story in the center out of what seems to be utter emptiness. It’s not very often that I think of Buster Keaton and David Mamet while watching a movie. Trust lives inside its own volcanic-sized heart, and speaks a rhythm of dialogue that influences mean-spirited critiques of a show like “Gilmore Girls,” for being too unrealistic and overtly cute for cute’s sake.

The thing is. I adore movies with a hyper-sense of reality, in which characters exchange coincidences, and talk in a language drowned in non-sequitur and random life observations. Maybe I’m envious of the people who live in the movie who can think fast, talk fast, and attempt to deconstruct their issues within 90 minutes. But Trust is one of those films where there is no sound resolution, but offers a sense of hope and possibility that can only be manifested by the redemptive promise of love. Plus it helps that the characters are flawed, three-dimensional, and constantly conflicted about their actions. I’m drawn to the ones in Trust in a way that hadn’t happened since probably Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I had seen this movie a decade ago, and only watched it this past week thanks to the new Netflix “watch now” option in which you don’t even have to wait for the movie to come in the mail.

Trust revolves around a brilliant idiot (Matthew) played by indie-stalwart Martin Donavan, and a wise-beyond-her-years teenager (Maria) played by the late great beauty Adrienne Shelley. When Maria announces her pregnancy to her parents, her father drops dead on the floor. Her mother kicks her out of the house and her boyfriend dumps her, so Maria is left alone and homeless. This is when she meets the seemingly nihilistic Matthew. Matthew is an older, educated high school graduate with a great talent for fixing electronic devices, but he can’t hang on to a job because of his principled attitude towards quality and his lack of endurance to be surrounded by capitalist automatons. When Maria accepts Matthew’s offer to help her, they begin to form a relationship with each other in which both of them begin to change, despite their imperfections. It’s hard to define it as ‘romantic’ in the same way that you can’t categorize the relationship in Lost In Translation as turning into something that’s driven by lust. It’s more revolved around two lonely souls, meeting randomly, forming a bond, and learning how to be human in an inhumane society.

While watching Trust unfold, I sat on my bed in astonishment, re-realizing that it’s simply just perfect in the way it captures my sensibilities and predilection for quirk, exaggeration, and emotionally-inconsistent individuals who try to better themselves while repeating mistakes they can’t seem to shake. I’m aware of my strange, picky sense-of-humor but there are so many moments where I’m laughing too loud, and questioning myself in the process. For instance there’s a moment towards the end involving a confrontation between Matthew and his father, and after things settle down, Maria’s mom asks “Do you want something to eat?” It’s a complete throwaway transition to the next scene, but in Hal Hartley’s world, he manages to make that line so deadpan and skillfully executed that despite its awkwardness, it’s ridiculously charming.

There’s also some sublime social commentary mixed in throughout about sex, teenage pregnancy, TV, and family relations that is cringe-worthy and honest. But if there is a flaw (and it’s not a quibble for me), it’s that Hartley’s movies tell and speak, instead of show and visualize. He has a style thats all its own, but it’s mostly carried by the screenplay rather than the directing. Kevin Smith sort of carries that same torch, but aside from Chasing Amy and Clerks 2 as being his only four star masterworks, Smith too, became somewhat lost in his own world. Hartley has made some abysmal films. The Girl From Monday is his attempt as low-fi science fiction, and it’s a chore to sit through despite the presence of Sabrina Lloyd. Flirt is arthouse pretension at its most languid. The only other times Hartley came close to replicating the genius displayed in Trust were with the spy-comedy Amateur (what if Hal Hartley made the Bourne movies?), and the struggling-writer malaise of Henry Fool (what if Hal Hartley made Adaptation and decided to throw in an homage to the toilet scene in Dumb and Dumber?). I genuinely like the majority of Hartley’s admittedly pretentious films, but you have to prepare for a period of adjustment while watching them in the same way you have to with David Mamet. It’s sooo stylized that it can be off-putting, but the rewards are plentiful if you can stomach the quirkiness. Trust is one of those rare movies that makes you see yourself and the world outside in a whole different light. It makes you cautious and hopeful for the future (especially if you’re single - have a lot of quirks - and tend to think that no one will put up with you). I think in the end, there’s a line in the film that sums up the hyper-surreal soap opera world of these characters: “Family is like a gun, point in the wrong direction, and someone gets hurt.” I could go on and on about why Trust has become my favorite movie as of 2008, but I need to curb my hyperboles. Stay tuned for more “Life Is Not A Movie… Or Maybe” articles. I am mostly revisiting movies that I haven’t watched in years, to see if my viewpoint has changed since I’ve grown up a bit. Trust is the perfect starting point for this project, and reaffirms that I will remain a cinemaniac til I’m six feet underground.

A great scene from TRUST, and the movie can also be viewed in its entirety on YouTube! If this scene isn’t your cup of tea, then you probably won’t like the movie as a whole:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQI10Njy7zI

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Best Television Show Idea in the History of Television Show Ideas


March 6, 2008
Patrick Ripoll

Cinema/Television

No words needed. Also, I’m lazy. Anyway, here ya go (I’d embed them as videos, but it’s not letting me. If anyone on the Blog staff can fix this, let me know):

MST3K short - Posture Pals
MST3K short - What To Do on a Date
MST3K short - Spring Fever
MST3K - A Patrick Swayze Christmas
MST3K short - Here Comes the Circus
MST3K short - A Day at the Fair
MST3K short - Johnny at the Fair
MST3K “Best Of” Montage - The Final Sacrifice
MST3K “Best Of” Montage - Werewolf
MST3K “Best Of” Montage - Santa Claus
MST3K “Best Of” Montage - Devil Fish
MST3K “Best Of” Montage - Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
MST3K “Best Of” Montage - Time Chasers
MST3K - Squirm part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10

Enjoy this.

The songs that made Juno what it is


February 17, 2008
rhiannon

Cinema/Television

Seeing as it came out in December, I suspect that most of you reading this in America have already seen ‘Juno’. Well, after months (probably about 6) months of anticipation, it finally hit the cinemas here in February. Considering the length of time it’s been floating around in your parts, I intend not to write a film review, but more of a music-in-the-film review. Firstly, it’s fair to say that I am a HUGE Kimya Dawson fan. In the 4 or so years that I’ve listened to her music, it’s affected my life in more ways than I can count. Saying that, it was a very odd experience to hear her songs (notably Tireswing, So Nice, So Smart, My Rollercoaster *WITHOUT THE LYRICS*, Loose Lips *ditto, I believe*, and Sleep) booming out of the big screen speakers into the massive audience. Although there’s always the fear something could happen to my precious music, I found that it was played at exactly the right points to fit the film, and really added a lot to it in terms of continuity and all round cuteness. Of course these were not Kimya’s only contributions to the film.Photobucket As well as a couple of Antsy Pants song (a band Kimya is in with some friends, they sing very cute kid songs and generally rock the fuck out), including the fabulous Vampire closing the credits, the moldy peaches’ contribution was super important. The use of Anyone Else But You (what I believe to be one of the greatest love songs I have ever owned) really took the film, and relationship of Juno and the delectable Bleeker, up about a million levels. As one of my favourite things about the Moldy Peaches was their ability to split the vocals 50/50, dish them out, and bring them back together to make a song so tight and so romantic that I want to cry when I sing it. I rarely do though, because I smile so much. Anyway…. it really worked. Photobucket As well as pumping in my favourite duo and my favourite singer (apart from Jeffrey Lewis) to an insane degree, the soundtrack also features some of my other favourite bands, Belle and Sebastian and the Velvet Underground. The thing about the Velvet Underground is that they can have songs with 18 minutes of feedback solo (see Sister Ray) or they can flip right round to perfect little pop songs that almost out-twee Belle and Sebastian. Obviously here, they plumped for the latter with I’m Sticking With You. Belle and Sebastian offered two songs to the film, Expectations (ironic as it is, not actually about pregnancy, despite the misleading name) and Piazza, New York Catcher slotted in rather nicely and made me incredibly happy. If you haven’t seen this film, I don’t want to give too much away, but at the distressing climax of this film a song is played that literally broke my heart in two. It was a song that I am slightly ashamed to say I hadn’t heard before. That song is Cat Power’s Sea of Love. Taken from her covers album, it’s literally in the top 10 most depressing/beautiful songs I have ever heard. The thing about it is (similarly to her amazing cover of the Velvet Underground’s I Found A Reason), the lyrics profess love, and can definitely be read as a song of love, rather than heartbreak. Somehow she has the ability to completely mutate this. I don’t know how she does it, but it’s wonderful. All in all, great film (getting amazing reviews from everyone here, sort of freaking me out), even better music, and Michael Cera. What more do you need? (PS- Paragraphs stopped working for me half way through this post, sorry)

Superbad = Supergood


February 3, 2008
rhiannon

Cinema/Television

Ok, so, confession time. I’ve been incredibly busy of late with various deadlines coming and going and then coming back with a vengeance. Basically, I’m sorry for not posting  a blog last week, I am a terrible person who is easily overcome by the perils of college work.That being said, this week I found the time to watch the immensely funny Superbad. Though I am sure the majority of you reading this will have already seen it, it just came to DVD in the UK, and being too busy to go to the cinema, it was a very big deal for me and my friends.Starring Jonah Hill and the infinite hotness that is Michael Cera as the chief protagonists, the plot is centred around their  quest to get the booze to the party and bed the girls of their dreams. After asking a friend of mine whether she’d seen it she squealed in horror at the misogyny and crudeness involved. I was pretty shocked at this as I hadn’t really considered any kind of sexist message underlying the hectic plot. After some deliberation, I concluded that this was not the case. It’s funny, it’s well written, well shot, and ultimately delivers the right message: If you plan on getting a girl drunk to sleep with her, it won’t work, so just be a good guy and all the other crap will sort itself out. That’s my kind of film.   Set in a Ulysses-style 24 hour period, we see Seth, Evan and their insanely squeaky friend Fogell (eg- McLovin) they flee from parties, flee from policemen (who also have a pretty significant role in the film, but I don’t have time to get into that now) and  discover the true nature of their friendship. Ta daaaaaa! Photobucket I’m still not very good at this fomatting lark.   

do not take bridges for granted.


February 2, 2008
gregbeson

WTF

null

Today I crawled and clawed myself from my second story bed to the thick solid planks of wood that make up my bedroom floor. Wiping the sleep from my eyes and stumbling to the kitchen to release the steady flow of water from our leaky faucet to my empty jar to it’s final destination, my human body. Another day. I get the chance at another day.

How beautiful each day is when it is not taken for granted. When the new day is taken in open arms and lifted up as high as possible. And I can feel myself. I can understand that I am this living thing, this body of organic matter and water, SO MUCH WATER. There is blood pumping out oceans of life from my little human heart, the muscle king. AND oh my! I have lungs, I have lungs! My bones, gosh, I can feel them! I know they are there. Their bleachy white and I know they will become sand again; some dust in the wind. There will come a day when we ALL get to fly.

smile

you are

living.

New To Theatres: 1/18/08


January 18, 2008
Patrick Ripoll

Cinema/Television

In my first post I was quite gung ho about doing an article every Friday until I died. 2 weeks later I missed an article because I was working as key grip on a music video. I’d apologize, but I doubt anyone really cared. Like I said 2 weeks ago, January is a graveyard and did anyone really want to hear what I had to say about a fucking Veggie-Tales movie? I will say that I’ll eventually catch First Sunday on video, but that’s more for my love of Kat Williams (who IS a hysterical comedian who is smarter than most people give him credit for) than my love of Tyler Perry-esque chitlin’ plays.

CONTEST: This article needs a name. You could be the lucky person to name it! Whoever wins will receive a Patrick Ripoll prize-pack which includes some DVD’s, some mixtapes, maybe some candy, all sorts of glorious shit. So get naming! All entries can be left in the form of a comment on the blog, e-mailed to me at soybomb@care2.com, AIMed to me at soybomb43, or sent as a private message on the Collective forums. Whatever it takes to get it to me.

A quick word on the Golden Globes: No one gives a fuck about the Golden Globes.

And now, onto this Friday, or as Hollywood would like to call it, “The Official Start of the New Year”. We got the much-hyped about Blair-Witch meets Gamera “Cloverfield”, a new Woody Allen movie(!!!!), some generic looking romantic comedy featuring the star of the best romantic comedy of last year, a low-profile Diane Keaton/Queen Latifah caper, and a movie about a girl who’s vagina eats things AKA Patrick Ripoll’s favorite movie of all time, ever.

Let do this like nudists!

Cloverfield (Trailer)
Starring Mike Vogel, Jessica Lucas, and the fucking singer from Yellowcard
Directed by Matt Reeves
This sure as hell better be better than the 1998 Godzilla
The Premise: Monster(s?) battling in New York City, as captured by a 20-something with a camcorder.

The Lowdown: Ever since the teaser trailer hit last summer the internet has gone crazy with speculation. Thanks to clever viral marketing by Mr. J.J. Abrhams, that buzz has nearly lasted all the way til now. Will the movie live up to the hype? It’s an intriquing premise that could be great or shit, but fortunately the early word coming in has been almost unanimously positive. Nothing earth shattering, but all involved seem to agree that at worst, it’s a very entertaining film.

Is It Worth Seeing?: For a brief (75 minutes!) good city-stomping time at the theatres, this is a safe bet.

27 Dresses (Trailer)
Starring Katherine Heigl, James Marsden, Judy Greer
Directed by Anne Fletcher

The Premise:  After being a Bridesmaid 20-something times (I forget the exact number) Katherine Heigl fights to win back the man she loves from her sister.

The Lowdown: Katherine Heigl may feel that Knocked Up was sexist, but if I were her, I’d be more concerned about not knocking the best film I’ll probably ever be in. Especially if she’s going to appear in middling garbage like this. Besides, what’s a more sexist trait of the romantic comedy than the persistant idea that there is no greater prize for a woman than to win a handsome and successful man to marry? And while I don’t believe that Knocked Up is sexist (then again, I’m one of the few people who really felt for Leslie Mann’s character and didn’t think she was a shrew bitch), Judd Apatow’s crew is certainly a boy’s club, so it’s not likely that Heigl will ever be in a movie as funny and heart-felt as Knocked Up again. On the plus side, at least she probably won’t ever have to have a sex scene with someone who looks like Rogen again. So maybe it’s not all bad for her.

Is It Worth Seeing?: Let’s not kid ourselves, there are those of you who have girlfriends, wives, or very clingy mothers who aren’t going to want to see a docu-drama about giant monsters decapitating Lady Liberty. So, for some of you out there, it’s not going to be a choice. You’re going to see this flick whether you want to or not. At least take comfort in the fact that the very lovely and funny Judy Greer has a supporting role, which should make it a bit less painful.

Mad Money (Trailer)
Starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, Katie Holmes, and Ted Danson
Directed by Callie Khouri
If The Coens couldn't pull it off...

The Premise: Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes try to rob a bank but strike COMIC GOLD INSTEAD! GABBA GABBA HEY!

The Lowdown: Against my better judgment, I am damned proud of Diane Keaton. There was a point where she had the potential to be one of the all-time great comediennes, right up there with Lucile Balle and Gilda Radner. However, Love & Death (the most underrated comedy of all time) was a long long time ago and her career path didn’t quite go that way. But flash forward to now, and you see that she’s done alright for herself. Through some clever career moves, she’s established a niche for herself as “the hot funny old lady” that should keep her working until her teeth fall out. And while the films she’s in are far from great (though I do have a soft spot for The Family Stone), it’s not often an actress is able to stay relevant in Hollywood once menopause sets in. Hollywood is kind of cruel that way.

So good for you, Diane Keaton. Even though the movies you have been in have been shit (Because I Said So being a particularly big offender), you stay on top. Of course, being dumped in the middle of January against Katherine Heigl and giant monsters with little advertising support isn’t exactly “on top”, but at least you’re doing better than Mia Farrow! Congrats!

Is It Worth Seeing?: Listen, if the goddamned Coen Brothers already made this exact movie (Ladykillers, anyone?) and it wasn’t worth seeing then, there’s no fucking way the director of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood is going to be anything better than shit.

Cassandra’s Dream (Trailer)
Starring Collin Farrell, Ewan McGregor, Phil Davis, Tom Wilkinson
Directed by Woody Allen
Woody Allen returns, hardcore.

The Premise: Ewan McGregor and Collin Farrell are in over their heads in debt, and get entangled in a dangerous and sinister series of events to clear it.

The Lowdown: Woody Allen is awesome. I need to make that clear as possible because it’s easy to forget how good he is. Match Point helped people remember that he can still turn out a killer movie, but it’s important to realise that Match Point was no fluke. Woody Allen is up there with Scorsese as one of America’s greatest living and working filmmakers, and the fact that every movie he releases isn’t an event (even the bad ones, like Anything Else or Hollywood Ending) is a real shame. His last film, Scoop, was a light comedy (reportedly) designed solely to show off the comedic acting chops of Scarlett Johanson, and while it was funny, it was a mere appetizer for Cassandra’s Dream, which is the kind of film Woody should be focusing on now. It’s being dumped at the beginning of the year because the Oscar race is already too crowded and this film doesn’t have the benefit of surprise that Match Point did, but Allen was never one to court awards anyway. So this isn’t going to be pushed and promoted as the important movie it is, but don’t be fooled, this is just as important to see as Atonement (and probably more so).

Is It Worth Seeing?: You bet your ass it is. It’s still in limited release, but look for it when it goes wider.

Teeth (Trailer)
Starring Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Josh Pais
Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein
New meaning to the phrase

The Premise: Jess Weixler’s vagina has teeth and is hungry. I’m not shitting you.

The Lowdown: Why is this not already an established genre? Why is there not a “vagina dentata” section at my local Best Buy? I don’t need to know any more about this movie to know it’s going down as one of the all time greatest movies since Nashville. This girl’s hairy scar has teeth! Her cootch! Teeth! Do I need to spell it out for you??

Ok, let me calm down a second. Suffice to say, this kind of premise alone sells me on a movie. Whether this film is a cheap tawdry monster movie, a romantic comedy, a documentary filmed in real-time, it doesn’t matter. The premise alone already has my ticket. But, as if you needed any more reason to see this film, it’s also supposed to be hilarious, terrifying, daring, and disgusting. Also, Jess Weixler’s performance evidentally sells the whole thing. So on top of a great premise worthy of early Cronenberg, it’s supposedly all pulled off well too.

Not that it should matter. Chick’s pussy is hungry, s’all I’m sayin’. If you aren’t the kind of person who gets excited about a movie like this, you aren’t the kind of person who gets to be my friend.

Is It Worth Seeing?: I don’t care how far away from you this film is playing, see this shit. There’s no bonding experience like going on a 5 hour road trip with your fam to see a movie bout a girl who’s snatch devours shit.

This week kicks off another exciting year in film, and I for one, can’t wait for what ‘08 has in store for us. Next week has Sylvester Stallone (or as I like to call him, ”the male Diane Keaton”) becoming Rambo again and kicking all sorts of ass. Then again, there’s also another shitty dance movie that defies all grammatical logic, “How She Move”. So maybe it won’t be such a great year after all. Who knows.

Spam!


January 18, 2008
Secret Owl

WTF

I’m really busy working on the new collective site so today’s entry will not be about music, because that requires me to actually think.

I received this in my email the other day, it’s from a poor fellow named “Alberto George”, and he somehow managed to find a computer and email me (maybe he’s a Secret Owl Society fan?) from Cuba, despite the fact that he’s incredibly poor. The ‘eloquent’ sir wants me to help him with his druggy-inherited 4 million dollars! How could I refuse?

My name is Alberto George, and I am writing you from my home in Santa
Clara, about 165 miles east of Havana, the Capital City of Cuba. Santa
Clara is known for two landmarks; The famous Revolutionary,CheGuevera
is buried here; and it is home to one of Cuba’s largest universities,La
Universidad Central”Martha Abreu” de Las Villas.

This is a compelling story, and I beg you to be patient and read
through to the end…I was adopted in1962, at age 14 months by
Mr.Giovanni George, the Sugar, cocoa and tobacco millionaire; some say
he also made his fortune from the lucrative illicit drugs
trade.

My adoption brought so much controversy (probably because I am black
and a deaf), that Mr. George was forced by his family to put me into a
foster home at age 5 ,where I stayed until maturity; Like most Cuban
youths,I dreamt of freedom, which every one here knows is called
America; like most youths, in time, I joined an Anti-Castro group and
that merited automatic 24 hours round the clock surveillance by the
Secret Police, but this is also normal in Cuba!

Mr. George, my father nevertheless funded my education through the
above mentioned university, where I graduated in Automobile
Engineering. I am now a mechanic, making just enough to take care of my
wife Maria, and 3 boys, Junior, Jose, and Giovanni. Sadly, My father
died Few months ago; left only his wife and family (he died childless),
and I was not invited to his funeral by his family, but we mourned him
deeply; I had no memory of my real father; but I loved him for his
kindness to me; he frequently defied his family to visit me…When I got
married, he gave my wife a ring present which we later found out was a
diamond ring! His Last Will and testament was read and probated. No
mention was made of me and my family. Understandably,I carried on with
my life.

But before his death; he then invited me and my family, there he told
me that he made the deposit of (FOUR MILLION UNITED STATE
DOLLARS) in a private security deposit firm in Abidjan city of Ivory
coast,that he wanted to use this fund to invest in his cocoa
and tobacco business in Ivory Coast…He then handedall the deposit
documents of the consignment to me andask me to keep it confidential,
that even the Security Deposit Firm does not know that the Consignment
kept in their custody contains money; According to him, hedeposited it
as a family valuables in my name; He thenexplained to me that he has
instructed the Ivory CoastSecurity Deposit Firm to contact me as the
Rightbeneficiary to the consignment; therefore arrange and
ship the consignment to me.
He again warned me to maintain the highest level ofconfidentiality of
the consignment, especially to his family members as they will deny me
the possesion of the money if they find out that such money has been
deposited in my name as the beneficiary! I therefore kept the documents
confidentially as instructed by my late father waiting for the right
time to transfer the consignment to safety abroad and arrange to travel
out of Cuba with my family!

Some weeks ago, I received a letter from the private Security deposit
firm in Ivory Coast, and the contents of that letter put me into shock!
The manager of the Firm asked me to contact them immediately for the
arrangement of transfering my inheritance to me as they are now facing
political crisis/war which may start anytime from now and they never
know when it will come to an end! I kept the letter for a week
without mentioning it to my wife. Eventually I revealed everything to
her…apparently My late father,Mr. George had provided for us after all!

The letter from the Manager explained that the political crisis may
bring about the losing of the consignments in their custody; that they
have alerted all their clients to come forward and claim their
consignments….He also explained to me that according to the terms and
agreement reached with my late father, the consignment deposited as a
family valuables were to be delivered to me (The Beneficiary) as
instructed by my late father; The manager of this firm in his letter
therefore invited me to come forward to Ivory Coast, to claim my
Inheritance! Or arrange with the them to ship the consignment to me.

But this simple invitation to travel to Ivory Coast or arrange with
them to transfer the consignment to Cuba here is fraught with problems!
I have no International Passport! It is impossible to travel out
of Cuba,unless with special permission which will of course take months
of paperwork to procure…As an Anti-Castro sympathizer , I have
absolutely no hope of leaving Cuba legally…The only option is to leave
by illegal ferry to the American Coast of Miami, which is extremely
dangerous…Every one knows that success rate is about 20%, the unlucky
get captured and repatriated back, to prison! But the rich and the
connected have a better chance by using low flying aircraft ( which
will beat the Cuban Radar) to smuggle them selves out! And there is no
way I can transfer the consignment to Cuba here as Cuban government as
well as my family members may seize the money!

I therefore desperately need your help! I need you to contact the
Ivory Coast Company on my behalf and arrange with them to ship the
consignment to you as the “Consignee”; secure the fund from the
Company, Once the money is secured, I will make the usual
underground deal to be smuggled out of Cuba by aircraft, to freedom!

I really need your help urgently! And there is absolutely NO RISK to
you in this transaction; The consignment will arrive your end through
aircargo fully insured with its necessary documents; I and my
family are the ones at risk as we cannot travel out of Cuba easily to
meet with you…

If you are willing to help me recover this my inheritance, please so
indicate in your return reply mail and I will follow up with more
details of the Ivory coast Company contact address and also more
details of this transaction. You will then contact the Ivory Coast
Security Deposit Company as the “Consignee” and thereafter arrange with
them to ship the consignment to you to close the deal on my behalf
and put the (FOUR MILLION DOLLARS) safely into the Banking
system…

In consideration of your expenses during the course of this
transaction, I freely offer you 30% of the total fund…..

Looking forward to your urgent reply,

Sincerely,

Alberto George

HERE IS MY RESPONSE:

Good lord, that’s terrible! I’ll certainly help you out; it’s a good thing you decided to contact the Collective. We’re a very anti-Castro group, and we’ve plenty of money to spare for a good cause. How could I refuse to help my fellow man in need?

I must say, you’re an incredibly lucky man (no offense meant); my grandfather happens to live in Cocody! What’s the address of the firm; I’ll call him as soon as you’ve responded. If everything goes well we can meet you in Florida within two days!

Please respond as quickly as possible, Alberto; I’ll be waiting.

For some reason, he has yet to respond. Perhaps Castro has risen from the dead and eaten him up?

Jonathan Goldstein and Wiretap


January 16, 2008
Tinyfolk

Radio

jonathan goldstein

Jonathan Goldstein is hilarious. I think. He’s got a dry sense of humor that is at times hilarious, though he’s constantly interrogating why exactly what he does is funny. He does this through a number of tropes, most regularly the tried and true “witty banter from a self-deprecating Jew” mode that made Lenny Bruce and Woody Allen so popular, but the format in which he does it is, I think, the most original thing about his material.

Jonathan Goldstein hosts a radio show on CBC Radio 1 and Sirius Satellite Radio called Wiretap. Basically the show is made up of a series of pasted-together audio snippets consisting of narrative monologues (most notably, Jonathan has done a number of hilarious versions of bible stories, including one in which David’s real reason for killing Goliath is because he didn’t like Goliath’s anti-semitic comedic stylings and thought killing him with a rock would be a laugh riot that would put both the Israelites and God in stitches), interviews with people who have strange occupations or goals, but mostly just recorded phone conversations between him, a number of his friends, and even his parents. There’s your run-on sentence for the day.

Before doing Wiretap, Jonathan worked on This American Life, which is where I was first exposed to him. He’s also written a wonderful book called Lenny Bruce is Dead that I would recommend to any Goldstein fans interested in reading his material as well as listening to it. Unfortunately, however, unless you’re a Sirius Satellite radio customer (I’m not), there’s no way to listen to his show in the states legally (unless CBC has begun podcasting it, which last I heard they were not), though if you do some googling you can find websites with illegal podcasts of the episodes.

To give you an idea, here’s a video featuring Jonathan and one of the regular guests, Howard:

Yann Tiersen- Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amelie Poulain


January 13, 2008
rhiannon

Cinema/Television

In my dismal quest to complete all my college work before the end of the Christmas holidays I found myself reading Shakespeare’s Measure For Measure alone in my bed, feeling a little lonesome. Due to my inability to take in any information whilst decent music is playing I often find myself having to choose between keeping up with my work and playing some kickin’ choons. Then the solution hit me: INSTRUMENTALS! I found the key to this to be Yann Tieren’s soundtrack to the popular flick Amelie (Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amelie Poulain), and even though I’ve seen the film a number of times before and have come over the songs themselves, I still felt totally shocked about the absolute greatness of it. My favourite track, Le Deux Pianos is a delightfully twinkly piano duet (as the name would suggest) that badly makes me want to practice my piano a lot more and get beyond grade 2.

After consulting my French-studying sister over the translations of the titles we noticed that a running theme of the soundtrack is a waltz. They pop up all over the place, played on an array of instruments including pianos, strings and accordions. Sometimes the music feels really simple and traditional for about a minute, but it almost always steps up into something totally unreserved and becomes this big French orchestra freak out. Wonderful, wonderful stuff.

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Sounding original, kitsch, cute and more than a little funky, if I was granted a soundtrack to my life I would definitely want it to be this.

 

I’m sorry I can’t find a URL this time. Have a pleasant week.