The Strangers! It’s out now! In theatres! If you have trouble sleeping, you need to see this, stat! I had a nice nap during this “terrifying” movie.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with people these days. Quite possibly, the ten million dollar budget for this movie went completely towards paying bloggers to write good reviews. Because I can’t really see anything else they could have used it for.

Basically, the plot is this: there isn’t one! Oh hey, it’s a couple at some house in some place! Lookie there! Oh, wow! They get killed by three people in masks, with no motive or anything! None at all! I assumed they were going to live in the house, or fucking something, but nope! They just felt like killing some people. For kicks, I guess.

Of course, though, because the movie is an hour long, they can’t have the people die too quickly! First we have boring, awkward scenes with the couple. Not talking, just sitting around and doing normal shit in an irritating way. And then! My god, a girl is knocking on the door! TERROR.

From there, the rest of the movie is nothing but blurry shots of absolutely nothing. Every character in this movie walks around at snail-speed, as if the director is standing behind them the entire time, motioning “NO! SLOWER! WE’RE ONLY TEN MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE!”

There’s very little dialogue between the characters, and the most noise you’re going to hear is Liv Tyler crying/screaming at absolutely nothing, or creepy noises (that will eventually give you a headache). There’s no action. There’s no artistic value in this movie, no interesting shots or panoramas or anything.

Everything about this movie is terrible. This is easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Just…damn. And shame on those bloggers that’ve given this a good review.

I hate everyone.